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July 23, 2005Why educate a future stay-home mom?Ouch! OUCH! Erin at the bearing blog has just taken a little finger and inserted it into one of the greatest sore points of my life, as she responds to the question: “Why would a young woman spend three or four years to get a specialized degree that she won’t ever be using?” In other words, is education wasted on the at-home mother? Full disclosure: due to a matter of tyranny, the women in my birth family were not permitted education beyond high school because “a woman’s just gonna get married and have kids and she doesn’t need college.” It is one of the reasons I left home young, although - having done that and needing to work to survive - I never did manage to finish the bachelor’s degree. I have always felt keenly the disadvantage and lack of confidence wrought by what I feel is missing in my education, and I am all too aware that - should anything, God forbid, happen to my husband, my earning potential is woefully inadequate to maintain a modest home and see my sons through college. Whether a woman plans on raising her children herself (as I did and it was a great privilege) or feels she must work outside the home, it seems to me there is no question but that education - to whatever degree or trade level required by those gifts a woman feels called to enhance - is an absolute necessity. Erin has a PhD in Engineering, and is for now a stay-at-home mom. She has answered with a very long and thoughtful response that I think bears a full reading, and I almost hate to excerpt any of it because the whole is pretty elegant, but here is a small bit: You’ll want to read the whole thing. A great irony: because I was not making oodles of money when I became pregnant, it was possible for me to stay home; it would have cost me more in clothing, travel and child-care than it was worth, for me to stay in my job. The cut to our income hurt - for a while we had to roll coin to get a haircut - but it did not devastate. Had I been pulling down serious money - and, I suppose, had we been more materialistically inclined - my income loss might well have thrown us for a loop. It is a truth that for some married couples, the woman’s income has become indispensible. So…on some level, the sore point re my lack of a degree is mitigated by the realization that my limited earning potential actually freed me to experience the joys and satisfaction I have known at being able to stay home and raise our children. Still…it is a lingering wound, the lack of a degree. Had I to do it all over again, I would have had a little less pride and accepted some serious financial aid - or had the courage to take out loans while I was struggling to keep body and soul together- to make sure I completed my education. UPDATE: Heh…check this out…a stay at home mom doing a number on Dean and O’ Donnell. http://theanchoressonline.com/2005/07/23/why-educate-a-future-stay-home-mom/trackback/ 12 Responses to “Why educate a future stay-home mom?” |
July 23rd, 2005 at 12:59 pm
Why educate a stay-at-home Mom?
I felt forced to stay in my marriage until my kids were older because I had quite college to marry and felt I would not be able to provide for them …… a decision I have regretted ever since!
Even if the marriage remains stable, if Mom is educated, she is far more able to help her own children with their education, to function as an individual in society, and to feel some sense of satisfaction. I truly wish that society, as a whole, would stop making stay at home Moms sound like societal failures! A Mom who can devote her time to her children is far more apt to raise well-rounded individuals who have some sense of themselves. Children NEED stability. The great American MYTH that day-care is good for children is good for children because of the playmates and learning to get along with other children. But I believe there are studies that show that children who have parents in absentia are largely less confident, more aggressive, more confused children.
If we want to improve our society, then we should make Homemaker back into an Honorable Profession and less like the stigma it is in today’s society.
Though we had less material wealth when my kids were little, and I had precious little time to myself (unless I stayed up all night by myself), I wouldn’t give up a minute of it for all the wealth the world has to offer!
Stay at home Moms REJOICE! And if you’re educated to boot, that’s great! Think of the help you can give your kids as they go through school. Realize the fact that you can face society and remark with some knowledgable background. There are contributions you can make - volunteer at school while your own kids are in school…..lots of avenues.
God bless you all!
July 23rd, 2005 at 3:33 pm
LitlBits says it all, though I might add, how about those mothers who choose to home-school their children? The more education you have yourself, the better job you can do at it.
Women don’t need a college education? Thank God that, in this country, that idea was shot down centuries ago, or we’d be like the Muslims: I hear that, in many of those countries, it is forbidden to teach a girl to read!
July 23rd, 2005 at 4:18 pm
Stay at home moms need education, if they desire it, because they will be the first teachers for their children. Because even though they are mothers, and have chosen to make that their primary focus, they still deserve something for themselves. Because life happens, and they may not always be able to stay at home.
Don’t use it? For the record, I am making payments on the 24k I borrowed to finish my degree 10 years ago. The degree? History and French, with emphasis in secondary ed. My profession? I’m a project planner (make sure cars are built on schedule) for one of the big three. Even though I am not a mom, I don’t use my degree either. But I’m still glad I have it. Most of us don’t wind up using the degree we got- life changes, we change. What seemed appealing at18 when we picked our major isn’t what we want to do when we’re out “in the field” at 25. Are all those degrees wasted???? Should no options be offered other than business because that is what most of us will end up doing? Education enriches your life in countless indirect ways, not related at all to how we support ourselves. And it should be noted that not all valuable education takes place in the classroom- many smart, intelligent people never got the piece of paper.
Anchoress, I would never feel bad because you didn’t get the certificate- you’ve certainly got the thought and the knowledge that backs it up :-). But if you want to finish, then I’d say go for it
July 23rd, 2005 at 6:34 pm
Ya know, our founding mother’s were quite educated. If I’m not mistaken Abigail stayed at home and read Virgil, in Latin, to little John Quincy and seemed happy to do it. Yes, she asked Big John to remember the ladies and was sorley dissapointed when he didn’t, but you can’t say her talents and education were wasted.
July 24th, 2005 at 12:03 am
Education is NEVER wasted. Everything learned is eventually of some use. I have two bachelor degrees in two very different majors. Each has benefitted me in some way during my years of being too sick to work. (Yes, I got two degrees and then had an immune system breakdown that left me an invalid for years and still leaves me less than fully able to work as I might desire.) But, what I learned earning those degrees has enriched my life and made me useful to my family, particularly my parents during their long illneses prior to death. I was able to deal fearlessly and capably with doctors and nurses, understood medical-ese, knew my medical rights, and was able to make sure my parents got the best care under the circumstances. I was able to explain medical situations and procedures to my siblings, and take the load of their minds: “Mir’s dealing with the doctor. It’ll be okay.” That was valuable to my family, and it made me feel I was able to be of service. My second degree, in English, was for pure pleasure. But what I learned was able to help me cope through some bedridden times. I was also able to help family and friends with anything that needed to be written, pointing out better ways to compose a resume or structure a master’s degree application essay or help kids out with homework or put together a manual for the Women’s Ministry and do their newsletter.
Learning is always a good thing, I figure.
Mir
July 24th, 2005 at 2:59 pm
Why educate a future mom? Because they will be somebodies mom. My mom got her BA and her sons have PhD’s (or a bazillion MSs and MAs).
You can do it now. I teach at a small community college in Connecticut. I get students like the Anchoress all the time. I am sure that she would be a joy to teach and learn from.
My favorite student of all time was Henry. Herny had been a trooper in the Seventh Cavalry during WWI. He spent the war running all over New Mexico, Mexico, and Arizona chasing Poncho Villa. When he first came to QV he was 86 years old. For awhile I taught soft science courses at 3-4:30pm every afternoon. Over about three years he took all of them. He would come to class just before three, fall asleep at three-thirty, wake up at four and ace all the tests. At 89 he got his AA.
So we can ask the same question here, why should an old man get an education. Because we just simply value education.
July 26th, 2005 at 6:22 am
Honky Tonk Women
It’s the honky tonk women Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues. Hey, Cotillion groupies! Gather ’round for some stuff-struttin’ from us honky tonk women! And with today–July 26th–being Mick Jagger’s birthday, this one’s for you, Mick; we kno…
September 21st, 2005 at 12:18 am
[...] I’ve written about this subject a few times before. In this piece I highlight a stay-at-home-mom-who-routinely-slices-and-dices her “betters,” and here I explore it a little more personally. [...]
April 18th, 2006 at 7:13 pm
it is interesting how people comment that an education for a stay at home mom is important because they are someone’s mother and they will be their teacher. shouldn’t you rephrase this to mean that they will be their SON’s teachers??? you obviously think that the best place for women (including your daughters) is barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen taking care of her family. so, women should get educated so they can educate their SONS to be doctors, lawyers and PhDs and educate their daughters so that they can be the MOMs of more doctors, lawyers and PhDs. the logic here is convoluted and sick. you are really trying to put women right back where we were a hundred years ago. by taking this stance that being a stay at home mom is the best choice you leave little choices for your daughters-or you tell them that their choice is inherently wrong. what we are doing here is trying to create a society where women just take care of men… disgusting.
April 18th, 2006 at 9:15 pm
I think you have to work pretty hard to come to that conclusion, but I’m not going to try to convince you differently.
September 27th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
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April 10th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
I’m a college student considering a degree in law or mba, I honestly feel guilty going to an expensive school and an even more expensive law school. I don’t want to place that burden on my parents if i’m going to be a stay at home mom anyways. I have 3 other siblings who need an education aswell, and I have a long time boyfriend who wants the 2.5 kids and housew life. I honestly don’t mind having that be my fate but passing on law school seems against everything i’ve learned in womens studies courses and the women’s rights I believe in! This stresses me out everyday!