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October 6, 2006Outting myself…and whoever else wants outing!WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS THE WORDS CUNNILINGUS AND FELLATIO. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THE WORDS CUNNILINGUS OR FELLATIO YOU SHOULD NOT READ THIS POST. ALSO IF YOU GET A CASE OF THE VAPORS BY THE SHOCKING IDEA OF MARRIED SEX, DO NOT READ THIS POST. GOT THAT? CUNNILINGUS, FELLATIO AND MARRIED SEX NOT YOUR CUPPA? THEN DO NOT READ THIS POST. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!! In the spirit of the times, because the moral arbiters of our time have decided that keeping your private life private is not mere personal discretion, but “immoral” behavior that demands outing, Roger L Simon has outted himself. He’s not really a Republican, but he’s voted for some of ‘em…and…he’s gay!. Since no self-respecting gay man would even ignore a pop-culture trend, Gerard Vanderleun, who coined the word Masturgate (maybe it should have been spelled M-A-S-T-U-R-G-A-Y-T-E) has now come out: For decades I have been a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. I can’t help it. I have this deep need to pursue every beautiful woman I see. What can this be other than latent lesbianism? As my two wives will, if they were speaking to me, attest, I have in the past performed lesbian acts on them. I couldn’t help it because it was in my genes and also part of their special request. Well, if they’re going to come out, I may as well too. I’ve voted for a Republican president twice, but I still have warm feelings for Hubert Humphrey and Daniel Patrick Moynihan, and Bobby Kennedy, too. I am not gay, but…I AM A MARRIED CENTER-RIGHT WOMAN WHO LIKES SEX. NO…MAKE THAT LOVES SEX! There. I said it. Whew. I feel so free. This is liberating - so much so that I want more…I want to come out all the way! I like various positions! With the lights on and off! In the daytime and the nighttime! In the ocean and in the windowseat! I like sex on Sunday mornings! Can I get an “AMEN” for Cunnilingus? AMEN for cunnilingus! Can I get a “You know how to whistle, don’t you” for Fellatio? “You know how to whistle, don’t you?” Can I get a “Ride’em Cowboy” for my husband? Yippeekayae! Can I get an “arghghghghg” for Readi Whip and maraschino cherries? Arghghghghghg! What, no brownies? Ohhhhhh…what a relief to get that off my womanly chest! I’ll go even further! Like Oprah, I’ll tell you exactly who raises my sex-meter eyebrows and makes me wiggle them at my husband! Yes! It’s THE LIST:
Alright, so there. I’m a hussy, but I’m fussy. Get used to it. And if my revelations cause a “civil war” and make some of my readers abandon me to go read…oh, I don’t know…Kos? Well, then, that’s just the price I’ll have to pay. And anyone else who wants to “out” themselves and participate in this great pogrom (ooops, I mean “pageant”) of self-revelation for the sake of moral truthiness and the American Way, let me know, and I’ll link to you. Let us all participate in this most noble of endeavors…because, you know…THERE ARE NO MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS TO BE DISCUSSING THIS ELECTION SEASON! Related: Democrats Out Another Gay Guy (I made the Vagina Monologues comparison a long time before David Brooks did but Althouse commenter Doug made a great analogy): Actually, I think Brook’s argument is that the audience found this kind of behavior acceptable enough to applaud it, so they obviously don’t have a problem with the idea of an older person having sex with a younger person. If it was worthy of acceptance in a drama, then what if it were actually based upon a real life occurance? What if a conservative southern audience attended a showing of the mini-series “Roots” and expressed glee when slaves were being whipped? I highly doubt the left would be saying it is just a drama. Yup. More: An ironic parallel? Witch Hunt: Goodstein drops the ball and More on the Witch Hunt. http://theanchoressonline.com/2006/10/06/outting-myselfand-whoever-else-wants-outing/trackback/ 40 Responses to “Outting myself…and whoever else wants outing!” |
October 6th, 2006 at 5:50 pm
I’m Out!
The Anchoress has thrown down the gauntlet and I’m accepting it…
I’m a middle-age woman who enjoys having sex with an older, married man. Been doing it for years, although neither of us were middle-aged when we started (he’s always been older, …
October 6th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Hello A…so you like like sex with your husband, and you are “outed”. Just makes you normal!
One of my early heros’ was Roger Staubach, Q.B. for Navy, and later the Dallas Cowboys. After “North Dallas Forty” novel was published, illuminating the sexual habits of pro athletes, and some other revelations, Roger said: “Yeah…I like all that stuff too, I just like it with only my wife”.
Those who “sleep around”, and have multiple partners, might as well just be masturbating. Nothing can compare with enjoying intimacy with someone you love and adore, and are committed to. That’s the way God planned it. Give Him the praise. Those who think “sleeping around” is cool…. (and once upon a time I did,) have no idea what they are missing. I’m so happy I learned that lesson.
October 6th, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Why am I thinking all of a sudden of a version of Clue: Bryn in the windowseat with the
Oh, never mind!
October 6th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
This just in: The Anchoress loves sex
I am not gay, but…I AM A MARRIED CENTER-RIGHT WOMAN WHO LIKES SEX. NO…MAKE THAT LOVES SEX! There. I said it. Whew. I feel so free. This is liberating - so much so that I want more…I want to come
October 6th, 2006 at 7:20 pm
[...] and from there to The Anchoress! She enjoys marital sex! A Catholic yet! [...]
October 6th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
[...] But The Anchoress topped them all and has thrown down the gauntlet to boot: I like sex in various positions! With the lights on and off! In the daytime and the nighttime! In the ocean and in the windowseat! I like sex on Sunday mornings! Can I get an “AMEN” for Cunnilingus? AMEN for cunnilingus! Can I get a “You know how to whistle, don’t you” for Fellatio? “You know how to whistle, don’t you?” Can I get a “Ride’em Cowboy” for my husband? Yippeekayae! Can I get an “arghghghghg” for Readi Whip and maraschino cherries? Arghghghghghg! What, no brownies? [...]
October 6th, 2006 at 8:19 pm
Mmmm, Jeter…
…were you saying something, Ms. A?
October 6th, 2006 at 8:20 pm
(Thanks Fausta … smiling, laughing)
How abOUT — I married a VIRGIN! She and I love sex, even when she was pregnant. (4 kids!).
And like Bobbin (and Roger) — it’s great to be FAITHFUL with a faithful partner!
Ex-womanizer, too. Not because it’s cools, but because it was much better than masturbation (though that wasn’t so uncommon). Yes, it wasn’t as fulfilling as love.
October 6th, 2006 at 9:46 pm
You totally rock, anchoress. I must admit, have been known to enjoy all of the actions mentioned in your post with my fiance- who, I must confess, is several years younger than I am.
October 6th, 2006 at 9:49 pm
Damn This Outing Thing Feels Pretty Good
I feel like I just walked into the graduation speech scene in the Kevin Kline movie “In and Out”. You know the one where everyone stands up and says they are gay in support of Kevin Kline’s character.
October 6th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
[...] Anchoress was on fire with economic and, ahem, other revelations (R-Rated material at this link, but worth every minute; one supposes that Mr. Anchoress is in store for an enjoyable Friday evening). [...]
October 6th, 2006 at 10:20 pm
> Hello A…so you like like sex with your husband, and you are “outed”. Just makes you normal!
Normal? Doesn’t that depend on the quantities involved?
(8oD
October 6th, 2006 at 10:23 pm
Today is my 16th wedding anniversary, and this morning, after I caught my breath, it occurred to me that we are way better at this sex thing than when we started!
October 6th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
I posted this over on JOM this morning — I thought that it seemed apropos:
The caricature on the left is that social conservatives are all frigid and frustrated, and want to spread the misery around by sending out the anti-sex stormtroopers to prevent everyone else from having sex. In fact, NORC data has shown consistently over years of surveying that the more conservative and more religious people are, the more frequently they have sex and the better the sex is that they have. (That would be the NORC survey that Jesse Helms tried for years to de-fund, by the way. I’m pretty sure that the “except for Jesse, ‘prudes’ have better sex more often” conclusion was especially surprising to Jesse!)
Ok, so there you are a libertine who has sold your soul for pleasure, and it’s going to be vitally important to you to deny deny deny that the monogamous squares not only still have their souls but they are also having better sex lives than you.
October 6th, 2006 at 10:33 pm
Dear A~
My picture of Jim Caviezel ~is~ of him as the Count of Monte Cristo. It’s after he’s escaped prison and is traveling in disguise back to Paris. Yeah, it does look kind of Jesus-y, but I didn’t want to copy Julie D.’s picture…
October 6th, 2006 at 10:42 pm
Does it count as outing if I reveal myself as a 52-year-old woman who has never been married and is still a virgin?
/
As for the whole thing about Dems outing gay Republican staffers - if you ask me, the Republicans are the ones who are truly practicing “gay rights.” I firmly believe the homosexual act is wrong, but the homosexual himself certainly has a right to earn an honest living.
/
And I commend gay men and women everywhere who either try to make a “straight” marriage work, or live celibate. Neither course is easy, but the rewards are out of this world.
October 7th, 2006 at 1:32 am
[...] (Me? I’m The Anchoress. Kinda. Sorta. [...]
October 7th, 2006 at 3:05 am
FoleyGate Day 9
Meanwhile, as Democrats overplay their hand with the Queer Smear squads, “outing” yourself has become the big thing with conservatives on the ‘Net, most prominently the Anchoress: I AM A MARRIED CENTER-RIGHT WOMAN WHO LIKES SEX. NOMAKE THAT LOVES S…
October 7th, 2006 at 4:13 am
Outing Myself
Due to all the mess with Mark Foley and, more importantly, the existence of some kind of list of ‘gay conservatives (/ Republicans)’ made by…
October 7th, 2006 at 5:30 am
Hey, I’ve Been Out for Years
But all the cool kids are doing it, so I’ll reiterate: I’m a right-wing sex fiend myself. And within my rather amazing middle-aged female body reside both a gay woman and a gay man. Gay! I tell you. Gay, gay,…
October 7th, 2006 at 7:24 am
Calling All Pages: Submit Your Own Foley Accusation
Here is the ABC tip page for any pages out there: Submit your own Foley Scandal. Name address and phone # Not required! Surely, by tommorow we can get up to ten former pages. There is no limit to the number of former anonymous pages that could tell …
October 7th, 2006 at 8:41 am
[...] The Anchoress is a Fussy Hussy. I like her list of jazz generators (Men in kilts!), but I’d like to add a few of my own. Sean Connery. Denzel. Bruce Willis. Harry Connick Jr. Whew, I need to stop. It’s getting warm in here! [...]
October 7th, 2006 at 9:14 am
[...] Last time I used this title, I was referring to electricity. This time, it’s just sex. Have you heard about the outage movement? Even The Anchoress has outed herself. You can follow her links to others. [...]
October 7th, 2006 at 10:40 am
Anchoress, Have you been reading Song of Solomon ?? I read your post to my husband and he had to help me pronounce the words. FELLATIO sounds like Italian ice cream. Can’t wait to use it in Scrabble. We play almost every night. My husband lets me have more tiles so that my score can get close to his, and I think I can spell that other word, too. But, alas, it is not in our Scrabble dictionary. Fourteen points–but if I do it on a triple word score—it is a win-win.
October 7th, 2006 at 11:12 am
I’ll send you some brownies!
October 7th, 2006 at 12:21 pm
The Celluloid Closet
Reponding to pressure from McCornthyism, Roger L. Simon comes clean… Update: The Anchoress outs herself as well, using words that begin with F and–gasp!–even H–in the process!…
October 7th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
[...] The first blogger was Samuel Pepys, whose writings are often reduced today to accounts of the Great Fire and the like, but whose interests were encyclopedic. His wrote about money and politics, art and music, matters great and trivial, the serious and ribald. The Anchoress has written about politics, religion, popular culture, parenting, and many other matters. It was her recent racy post that inspired us to this 1970 review of a new edition of Pepys’ Diary in the New York Review of Books by Matthew Hodgart — the title of the piece was O Calcutta! The Diary is the record of the most delightful euphoria of any man in literature. This euphoria was produced by steadily rising wealth and power, and showed itself in growing sexual energy and enjoyment of all that life had to offer. The sexual effects of power have often been noted in public figures: fear of the libel laws prevents me from mentioning recent names, but examples in America and Britain will readily come to mind. Pepys’s power came from his good luck in getting a job in the Navy Office, and from his hard work and skill as an administrator. He wrote in a later year “that, for myself, chance without merit brought me in; and that diligence only keeps me so, and will, living as I do among so many lazy people, that the diligent man becomes necessary, that they cannot do anything without him.” [...]
October 7th, 2006 at 1:02 pm
Two thumbs up!
October 7th, 2006 at 2:54 pm
AMEN!!!!
Regards,
October 7th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
[...] Updated update! We are all gay Republican sexual predators now. Wonder how the hate-mongering oxygen thieves behind “the List” feel about their slimy, detestable little threat now. [...]
October 7th, 2006 at 9:21 pm
Yesterday we celebrated our 28th wedding anniversy. we went to dinner, saw a movie and then went to our favorite local hotel for the night. we had a great time. love is deeper and stronger than 28 years ago. we don’t look or feel the same as when we were first married but hey we still got it. life is good.
October 8th, 2006 at 3:08 am
(1) Ouch, Anchoress; please desist from postings like this. I read it a few times over… and over… just to be sure.
Oh, well. The missus’ll be back in town tomorrow night. We’ll have a little outing of our own, with any luck.
(2) Does the Great Homosexual Brouhaha reminds anyone of the “Everyone has AIDS” song from Team America: World Police?
October 8th, 2006 at 9:17 am
ME TOO!
October 8th, 2006 at 10:36 am
Anchoress was a woman who lived in a small, sealed room inside a church…Consider this my window. This could get really hot!
October 8th, 2006 at 8:30 pm
The Pagina Monologues
David Brooks, in his column today (behind the New York Times' Iron Subscription Curtain), compares and contrasts what he imagines are the liberal reactions to two very bad people: This is a tale of two predators. The first is a congressman who bef…
October 9th, 2006 at 6:24 pm
Warning… Don’t read this post if you get offende
But if you have a good sense of humor and a love of MARRIED SEX, then by all means pay the Anchoress a visit.
I loved this post. I thought it on target and as frank a discussion about loving an important area of life as I have ever read
Kudo’s t ….
October 9th, 2006 at 8:09 pm
Am I alone in thinking this is WAAAAYYYY too much information?
October 9th, 2006 at 10:16 pm
I am not sure here, does my admiting that I was kind of turned on by Michelle Malkin’s lovely foot stomping on that can of Miller Lite a few weeks ago count?
October 11th, 2006 at 12:50 am
In support of The Anchoress and poster #14, this Christian conservative, happily-married, monogamous individual says SEX ROCKS!! I’ll do in on all days that end in “y” (sometimes twice on Sunday), in all positions, with the lights on or off, and in any geographical location. In my opinion, Christians should have more, better, and hotter sex than anyone else because of the love attached to it. We’re in it for the connectedness to our partner’s pleasure too–not just to satisfy our own desire.
October 25th, 2006 at 2:00 am
[...] Got thirsty in the night and moderated some comments while I was up. My email box also contained some piece of craziness about how I, as a conservative, am (of course) a hater of gays (I’ll have to tell my brother) and puppies (I’ll have to tell the dog) and raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, but that we were all going to get shown by the outting of gay Republicans by “the list,” which - I think - must have “outted” a couple of people this week? Did that happen? I wouldn’t know. I haven’t found the “the list” story to be interesting since I outted myself a few weeks ago, along with Roger Simon, Vanderleun and a couple dozen others. [...]