Okay, I’m going to say it. I am a Catholic, and my vision of a perfect America would be that everyone was Catholic. I wish all Americans were Catholic. I wish all of our separated brethren, the Methodists, the Baptists, the Episcopalians, the Fundamentalists, the Evangelicals, the Presbyterians, the Lutherans - all of ‘em - were Catholic, because they’d be “complete” Christians - they would have the fullness of Christ and unity within the Church as Christ founded it, one, holy, catholic, apostolic and Eucharistic. Of course I want all the Protestants to be Catholic! After all, all they have now is the Bible - with missing books - and fellowship and potlucks! They just run around saying they’re “saved” but they don’t have the whole, complete experience of Christ!
They don’t have the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ, in the flesh, in the Eucharist, coursing through their veins, and because I love my Protestant friends so much, I want them to have that - I want that for them, because I am a Catholic, and that means I am a “complete” Christian. We have it all, baby! Sacraments! Communion of Saints! Liturgy! Tradition! We’ve got John Chapter 6 and 1 Corinthians 11:26-29 and 2 Thes 2:15! Yaaaay!
Just think, if all Americans were Catholic, Communion - for everyone! - would be everyday instead of once in a while, and it would real, consecrated hosts - “this is my body!” Yaaaaay!
If all Americans were Catholic that means that all the government would be Catholic! Yaaaaay! Everyone would be pro-life! There would be Nativity creche’s and Ten Commandments in all the government buildings! The president would be a Catholic! We’d have Mass at the White House! And Bingo! Insurance companies would not have to cover birth control pills! And Jack Chick would no longer be publishing hate screeds because he’d be a Catholic too! Yaaaaay! The government would fix immigration policies so all our fellow Catholics down in Mexico can come on in and feel welcome and worship with us! Yaaaay! Then we’d go get those Canadians back into church too! And then England! We’d take back Westminster Abbey! Yaaaaay!
I mean, the Protestants - they’re okay now…as long as they’re you know, believing and stuff. But if all the Protestants would just come back to the Roman Catholic church from which they separated themselves, they would be really, really full Christians! America would be perfect!
Regular readers know (or darn well should know) that all of the above was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek. While I am sure there will be some Catholic bloggers who will come after me for saying it, (and who will insist that as a Catholic it is my duty to hope that all Christians take their rightful place beside us at Mass) I am not looking for Protestants to become Catholic. If they they want to, that’s very nice, and I’m happy to welcome them, but honestly, I don’t look for it. I think everyone finds their own way to God, and worships in the manner they best understand, are more opened to, etc. And that’s fine by me because I don’t have a need to decide who goes to heaven and who doesn’t, or who’s got the better way to get there. I have my way; I like it - if you have your’s, God bless you. I am ever a “live and let live” kind of girl.
But I must ask those readers who have been bombing me with “you-just-don’t-understand how-great Ann-Coulter-is” for the past few weeks - how did you like reading that satirical modest proposal? How did you feel when you read it? Pretty angry? Did you think I was an intolerant idiot expressing an idea in a hurtful and insensitive manner? Did you think that I did a poor, clumsy job of it, even though I meant no insult?
I understood, immediately, what Ann Coulter was trying to say about Jews becoming completed (a much better word, than “perfected” by the way) through acceptance of Christ as the Messiah. In fact, I once worked with a Messianic Jew who explained it beautifully, (slightly paraphrased after 30 years)
“I am the flesh of Abraham, greater than the stars, but no longer looking heavenward; my blood is the blood of Moses, but no longer wandering, for my gaze is fulfilled and my journey is completed in knowing Yeshua.”
This will be my last word on Coulter, so please don’t send me any more of your apologetics. Please stop trying to explain or excuse her to me. As Auntie Lillie would say, “save yer breath for yer porridge” and your energy for a worthier opponent than I! For goodness sake, I am a small blog with no influence (and getting smaller every day) and I’m quite sure Coulter couldn’t care less what I think of her performance art. I think that’s what one of you told me, that she is a “performance artist.”
Well, whatever, but her claim that “you have to obey…we have the fast-track” also has problems, implying as it does that Christians don’t have to obey because they’re already so damned perfect.
Whether she’s a performance artist or a “brilliant constitutional lawyer” as others of you claim, let Coulter stick to politics, which is already full of schtick, and leave the religious questions for the theologians. (Or for the pub, like the rest of us Catholics!) 
:::rolling eyes::: Oh, lighten up, I’m just teasing!
October 30th, 2007 at 9:38 am
Amen Sister!!
P.S. I’ve been searching (to no avail) for that post you wrote about teenage boys and girls and no wonder everyone is a bundle of over-sexed confusion. Or something like that… It goes with something my college girl said the other day and I was going to post about it. If you find the time, and can find it easily, would you mind emailing the link?
October 30th, 2007 at 9:40 am
No, I don’t take Ann Coulter seriously either; not as a political commentator and certainly not as a theologian. And I would hope devout people believe in their respective faiths because they think that they are right, not because of inertia or heredity or whatever.
I agree that the Jews need to become perfected, but through keeping the Torah and mitzvot and fulfilling our destiny with G-d through the world. Faith in JC is irrelevant to the Jewish people, although I recognize that he was a fellow Jew, and a way of presenting Torah to some of the gentiles. As to that “fast track” business, I haven’t seen that there are ANY fast tracks ever to anything, just keeping the faith and pulling the yoke. It’s a process, and most of my Christian brethren don’t seem to hold their faith alone as a “fast track” either, when I look at them closely. I thank G-d that I am Jewish and I don’t have to require all my fellow human beings to become Jews, just G-d fearing followers of the Laws of Noach, striving to approach the one G-d with heart, mind, and deeds.
Frankly, I feel sorry for the Jews for J. Most of them weren’t given the tools to understand the Torah. Why would I read the Cliff notes when I can enjoy the real Book.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:25 am
That was a very good post. I knew what prompted it from the very start.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Great post Anchoress! I agree totally with your Ann Coulter take, but not entirely with you on our Protestant friends becoming Catholic, mostly because the world depertly needs the Eucharist, and Jesus hates division. But, as you somewhat said, we aren’t going to make the acceptance decisions for eternal life, so those fine details are best left for God. All said, this doesn’t have to be so hard. All it would take is for the 60 million plus American Catholics to start living as “really being Catholic” and we would convert the country by example. Until we as Catholics become on fire, I can’t image that anyone will be busting the gates to get in and “have what we have”, but then, with God all things are possible!
October 30th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Great post, thank you! i have to keep reminding myself not to get too exercised over other people’s choices in life. I know I am my brother’s keeper, but I am not his judge. You are right that God will sort them out.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Just as a point of clarification - you are a VERY influential blogger. At least to me you are. And if your blog is getting “smaller” - that saddens me greatly.
I depend on my doses of Anchoress to get me through some “challenging” days. Don’t ever leave us entirely, okay?
October 30th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
I actually wouldn’t be at all offended if you said that I (a Protestant) should become a Catholic. I’m no theologian, but don’t Catholics believe that the Catholic Church is the one true church, and Protestant churches are not true churches? I wasn’t offended when the Pope said that, so why should I be offended when anyone else does? It’s what you believe. Doesn’t bother me. And I’ve been reading you long enough to know that such a statement, in the unlikely event that you made it, would be sincere and come from your heart.
Nevertheless, I have no intention of defending Ann Coulter, who has a long history of deliberately making inflammatory remarks in order to sell her latest book. I agree with what you initially said, that theological discussions need to be handled with finesse. A bludgeon is not called for.
November 1st, 2007 at 1:02 pm
[...] then drives the point home with a wonderfully sarcastic post about how she “wishes” everyone were Catholic: If all Americans were Catholic that [...]