Caring for Orphans and Widows

I have to be honest and tell you that I do not read a lot about the polygamist sect story that’s come out of Texas, partly because I never read sensationalist news - I couldn’t tell you anything about Anna Nicole Smith or Jon Benet Ramsey besides the fact that they are tragic stories - because these stories, and the overcoverage of them tends to quickly feel like porn, to me.

The other night my husband and I were flipping channels and saw the tail-end of a news story about the hundreds of children being taken into custody and placed into foster care. Hearing nothing else, he turned to me and asked, “do you want to take one or two of them?”

That’s my husband - the house is always open, especially to kids.

I said, “if we were closer, I might, but I don’t think it would be a wonderful thing to take these kids so far away from their mothers, and besides, this is foster care; likely they’d need to remain in Texas.”

“Oh, yeah…”

I bring this up because the very gentle Viola Jaynes, who - at a tender age - was placed in the care of a German orphanage and knows whereof she speaks, is wondering about these children and the reality of being pulled from one’s mother:

One thing that I think all children have in common - those who have been taken away from their mothers and their families - is, a hole in them that is difficult to repair and fill. Such a child will search for something or someone because somewhere deep inside them they knew they belonged somewhere. Finding that “place of belonging” is a very long and painful journey. There are many rejections along the way since that child will often be very clumsy in finding that “belonging” again. These rejections only add to the greatest of all rejections - being taken away, for whatever reasons, from their mother and father. The slightest hint that there might be such a belonging again, can often turn into an obsessive expression because they desperately fear that they will lose that warm and nurturing feeling of “home” once again. Juggling these emotions and keeping them in balance can be very embarrassing…and tiring, as it is realized that their inner-self is seeking, no matter how old they are, that which was lost. One becomes their own parent and that can be a very difficult task. It takes self-honesty to understand that there are nobler pursuits than feelings of neglect and feelings of sadness for one’s own losses. Many tears are shed during this process. It is important that one is kind and gentle with themselves as they grow up and heal.

See, in trying to avoid the sensationalistic, I was missing the story of the kids. They’re not exactly orphans, but they must be suffering and confused. Viola links to a way to help via the Woodlands United Methodist Church, which is looking to find some volunteers as well (and fill some paid positions) to help all the children that have been removed. Thanks, Viola!

Ann Althouse makes the very good point that these kids are not “of the world”, so to speak, and may perhaps have a difficult time adjusting to living with families in the popular culture.

If anyone else has information on funds or programs being set up to help these kids, please let me know, and I will link to you!

Dean's World tracked back with “Lost Boys” - the Collateral Damage of Polygamy

by TheAnchoress @ 11:23 am. Filed under America, Parenting

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6 Responses to “Caring for Orphans and Widows”

Dave Justus Says:
April 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I think perhaps the best thing we can do for these kids is insist that the government not take them away from their families without any proof of abuse.

My understanding is that the original girl who called the authorities was a hoax, that girl doesn’t exist and her situation never happened. Further, their has been no evidence of abuse on any of these kids.

I don’t like their religious beliefs, and certainly some of the practices of members of this sect have been abusive and criminal, but if that is the standard we adopt for allowing the government to dissolve families, then I don’t think anyone is safe.

A lot of people believe that teaching abortion is murder is wrong, and of course some Catholics have been abused, so perhaps all the Catholic kids in the country should be rounded up and taken from their families and put into good pro-choice homes.
cathyf Says:
April 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Instapundit linked to this article which told me things that I didn’t know:

And the matter moves to a whole new level of disturbing in my mind with word that the state now plans to impose across-the-board DNA testing on these women and children, without parental consent (meaning, the mothers have no choice in the matter), after which ALL THE CHILDREN, including nursing babies and toddlers, will immediately be separated from their mothers.

And in response to criticism over this despicable plan, the judge who is allowing it had only this to say: “But every day in this country, we have mothers who go back to work after six weeks of maternity leave.”

Look, precipitously separating a young child - particularly a nursing baby - from her mother is in itself abusive. So the justification for doing it by the state better be that that particular child is at risk of imminent, provable harm from that particular parent. The standard should be very, very high when making such a radical decision.

I’m sorry, there is simply no excuse for this. The state of Texas is using their government authority to commit child abuse. These children and their mothers can be kept together while the legal and scientific processes proceed.
Foxfier Says:
April 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Patterico has good information that doesn’t go into the child-abuse pr0n area.

Cathyf– Salt Lake has had some REALLY uneven coverage quality.

Given that there are many pregnant teen age girls, and that the members have been shown to have been lying about age, parentage, etc… this is a messy thing.

[edited to admit link - admin]
Dean's World Says:
April 24th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
“Lost Boys” - the Collateral Damage of Polygamy

Apparently I don’t watch enough TV. I just heard by chance yesterday about the “Lost Boys” of the polygamous sects, who are quite simply, competition for the older alpha males of the group. The young men are thrown out of these groups under the s…
cathyf Says:
April 24th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Foxfier, I am assuming that you are refering to the information that babies under 12 months old will not be separated from their mothers, and thus claiming that separating a [hypothetical] 13-month-old nursing baby from his/her mother is not abuse? As the mother of a child who was once a 13-month-old who did not know how to drink from anything other than my breasts, and refused to eat anything other than ice cream and plain white rice, I strenuously object!

(And yes, in case you are wondering, 10 years on the daughter is still pretty onery! :-0)
Jayhawk Says:
April 26th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
The day this story was first reported on, I saw it on one of the major networks evening news. The very next thing on was, I kid you not, a Valtrex commercial. You know- hide your herpes medecine. Polygamists! (Dictionary.com)= Polygamy 2. “The habit or system of mating with more than one individual, either simultaneously or successively.” What a state of affairs.